Life with a newborn

Before Alfie's arrival I had the idea that life would be a never ending cycle of making bottles, cleaning bums, doing laundry, wiping away tears (both babies and my own) all while stepping over piles of festering nappies and vomit soaked clothes, mostly I imagined frantic stress! However since he's arrived I have not found it to be the case and that survival with a newborn is reasonably easy! That being said it is true that I took organisation to a threatening level pre-baby. Here's how I make life with a newborn work for me.

1. Stocking up. On everything! I bought industrial quantities of nappies and wipes, meters of muslin cloths (and yet still could use more), enough onesies to clothe an orphanage, spare boxes of washing powder and extra toilet roll. In essence - anything that I thought would cause irritation if I were to run out! I also suggest bulk buying biscuits because visitors (there will be lots, some of which you won't know) like a biscuit with their tea.

Also (and this is TMI; faint of heart/males stop reading now) it will take a while for the lady area to recover. BUY CHEAP PANTS! And hoard those hideous maternity pads! This is no time for thongs, no one cares what Victoria's secret is, you need them black and baggy! Keep everything together in the bathroom, just trust me!

2. Prepping food. Even with an 'easy' baby I'm still tired and busy and have been so glad to have healthy meals sitting in the freezer. Yes a take away is easy but I feel better knowing that even without donning a single thread of lycra or raising my heart rate above tortoise speed I'm doing SOMETHING for my body. My recipes are here, and I've made batch cooking/marinading part of my life now!

3. Making use of visitors. There is a price if you want to hold my baby! Usually that price is only making your own tea but for some (Grannies, Aunts, Good Friends) that price was loading the dishwasher, sweeping the floor, holding the baby while I did something or (for one poor aunt) changing lightbulbs. Obviously no well meaning acquaintances were exploited but I answered every empty "Do you need a hand?" with an enthusiastic "Yes please!"

4. Matching Pyjamas and Dry Shampoo. Bear with me, there will be days when you don't get dressed or wash your hair, if you are in possession of multiple pairs of jammies, a nice dressing grown and dry shampoo this becomes slightly less depressing and you may lounge with sartorial confidence. Did wonders for my mental wellbeing!

5. Baskets. These are so handy, we have a changing basket down stairs that has nappies, wipes, bags, creams etc. I love this and so do our babysitters, saves a trek up the stairs with a dirty baby! I also keep a basket of clean sheets and muslins under his crib for any projectiles that baby might launch during the night.  

6. Organise, organise, organise. Seriously. Organise your shit! Go to Pinterest and search for "Changing Station Organisation", you'll be grateful! Ours hasn't changed in six weeks and it's been a godsend, so quick to grab everything that's needed! Since baby clothes are so tiny and baby will grow through the sizes in about 10 minutes its really handy to store them by size, especially once gifts start arriving! I had wardrobe dividers for hanging items and folded onesies into baskets for his drawers. 

A review of hypnobirth - does hypnobirth really work?!

Alfie is now 6 weeks old (how?!) and I've had plenty of time to reflect on his arrival and to have long (detailed and explicit) conversations with lots of friends keen to hear if "it's as bad as One Born Every Minute." My answer is always "No, because I had a hypnobirth." The conversation then inevitably evolves into me evangelising about the benefits of hypnobirth!

Anyhow, bearing in my mind my own terror-induced-nosiness when I was pregnant I decided to outline how I experienced the entire hypnobirthing process, I've already written about the hours of Alfie's birth here, (summary; calm, a bit sore, short and happy) but hypnobirthing is a much longer process that starts months before baby's birth. People always ask "What is hypnobirth?" followed  immediately afterwards by "Does hypnobirthing work?" In this post I'll answer the questions I've been asked most!

Q. What's the point of hypnobirth and why did you choose one?
A. Did you know that pain is not a natural part of birth?! It occurs as a result of fear and anxiety, where birth is concerned it has a psychological, not physiological origin and is a sign that the body is not being allowed to do what it is very cleverly built to do!

The aim of hypnobirth is firstly to replace negative thoughts regarding birth with positive ones and secondly to prepare Mom and her birth partner to play an active role in the birth of their baby. Hypnobirth achieves this in a number of ways, the main ones being knowledge and practice. I learnt so much about the physical process of birth and the medical options that would be available to me. This meant that as each phase of birth occurred I knew exactly what was happening as well as what the midwives might suggest AND (having practiced my techniques for MONTHS with Fred) I could take steps to help each phase along. A mother who has learnt to hypnobirth will be very 'in tune' with her body and know how to 'work with it'. Altogether this meant that I wasn't afraid, I was able to control the situation and I was supported.

The ultimate goal of hypnobirthing is a calm birth, which does not always mean a natural birth.

Q. So is hypnobirthing anything to do with hypnosis?
A. Not in the way we normally think about hypnosis, nobody ever said "look into my eyes" and I never did a chicken impression at the click of anyone's fingers! But then again that's not what hypnosis is actually about! Anything you do without thinking or deliberate effort (eg reading a sign, singing along to the radio, shaking someone's hand or, oh I don't know, assuming birth is a horrific, blood soaked catastrophe) is a form of hypnosis - a learnt, programmed response that has become instinct. Hypnobirthing helps a mother to 'relearn' her thought pattern regarding birth, one of the routes to this goal is to make the techniques so familiar that they become instinct and are easily applied when they're needed.

Q. What are these techniques you keep going on about?
A. As I said the ultimate goal is a calm birth so the techniques I was taught all aimed to increase calmness and build confidence in your ability to birth.

I did lots of meditations, lots and lots of meditations! But not just any meditations, these were specially written for hypnobirthing (there are some samples on YouTube) so as a result they were calming and empowering. As an extension I learnt to breath deeply and to repeat mantras.

Breathing is a big piece of the hypnobirthing pie. Your muscles need oxygen for anything activity and will cramp and cause pain if they're not getting enough, d'uh. There's a knack to birth breathing so you do need to practice before hand.

There was lots of visualisations, these involved vividly imagining all the negative things I thought might happen at birth and then reimagining these scenes in a way that felt joyful, which when you think about it is the only emotion appropriate to meeting your child!

There were also some exercises to do and some massages (yay) as well as pressure points to be applied during birth, I don't know how to sufficiently sing the praises of the pressure points, they worked wonders!

Q. What does your birth partner do?
Everything! Your birth partner has a vital role in keeping you focused on the techniques and satisfying your every whim! They also mediate between you and the medical staff so you don't get distracted or bombarded. I couldn't have managed without Fred, he improvised meditations during my labour that took me out of the room completely and he stayed confidently calm!

Q. Does hypnobirth work?
A. YES!!!! WONDERFULLY! I have no pain threshold and was terrified of birth (I considered never having children so I could avoid it. Really.) but through hypnobirthing I enjoyed an all natural, calm birth that I shared with my partner without fear or shame. And yes I meant to say enjoyed! The midwives in my hospital who were not hypnobirth practitioners said they considered "good breathing and a bath to be as effective as an epidural".

Q. Does birth still hurt?
A. Yes, but lots of things hurt - like leg day! It wasn't as painful as I expected it to be, at the very end I had a moment of panic when I didn't think I'd be able to finish but that's what the birth partner is for! Remember, this is a pain that you are prepared for and have dozens of ways to deal with, it is also a pain that you know will end in the most fantastic way possible, it is therefore a VERY manageable level of pain!

Q. And how's Alfie?
A. He is the most chilled out baby I've ever encountered, he rarely cries and so far (jinx) he's never screamed. Everyone who has met him from midwives, community care workers and friends to strangers in the street, have used the same word - contented. Because the first part of his life and his transition into the world was so relaxed he has never learnt to be anxious, making my life with a newborn very easy!

A Calm Birth

When I was pregnant part of my hypnobirth practice was reading stories of calm births from mothers who had positive experiences and as a first time mom I wanted as much information as possible! Hypnobirthing allowed me, someone with a pathalogical fear of birth to have a relaxed, all-natural, drug free birth, here's exactly what happened!

Wednesday 03:00 I woke with cramps and spent an hour in the shower (any excuse for a long shower though!) before sticking on my hypnobirthing CD and going back to bed to relax.

Wednesday 07:00 Our alarms go off and I am glad to tell Fred that birth is starting!!!! Hurray!! I can't believe I'm looking forward to this! Fred heads off to work and I spend most of the day watching Netflix and having baths, sometimes both at the same time! I listen to my hypnobirthing tracks and meditate throughout the day too, any time I have a 'scary thought' I check my board and repeat my favourite birth mantras. I think my surges ease up for a few hours during the morning and early afternoon, they build up again as the evening approached.

Wednesday 17:00 I demand Fred return from work as I'm starting to get a bit alarmed that something would happen and I'd be on my own, birth was the one time I had no problem demanding what I needed! For the next few hours the surges are stronger but were still nothing more than a mild period, they were completely manageable and in no way frightening. That said, I could easily have worked myself into a state by 'expecting the worst', using the hypnobirth techniques keeps me focussed on the moment which honestly was never that bad!

Wednesday 18:00 I chill out again with Fred home, he puts on George Ezra as a break from constant mantras! George Ezra was one of my anchors (something used in hypnobirth that is familiar and that keeps everyone calm and feeling positive), his music reminds me of our wedding and I'm feeling really happy and excited.

Wednesday 20:30 The surges have stepped up a gear now and are more intense but never overwhelming, the strongest ones make me stop, lean over and take a deep breath, the milder ones make me wonder if they are even surges! Several time I say "Should it not be worse than this?!" We eventually leave for the hospital when our contractions app switches from showing "consider leaving for the hospital" to showing "call an ambulance immediately", we like to live dangerously!

Wednesday 21:00 We arrive in Craigavon Midwifery Led Unit and the midwife examines me and says I am already 4cm. Hurray hypnobirthing had worked so far, I was almost half way there with no agony or fear! In fact I'm still really excited, and even stop to snap a take the piss photos on the way...how are East and West in the same place?! Our midwives are lovely women who are familiar with hypnobirthing and happy to let Fred and I lead Alfie's birth, this is really important to us and I never for a moment feel like we are out of control or being overlooked. After getting up to the ward I spend some time settling in and unpacking before I need to lie down and concentrate on breathing, this was when all of the hypnobirthing techniques became essential, Fred started up the affirmations and I repeat them quietly to myself, staying calm and 'in the moment'.

Wednesday 22:00 At about 10:00 the midwife runs me a bath which is so wonderful, I spend a good hour and half in there and even fall asleep between contractions! While the contractions are happening I fall into the habit of counting them, as each starts I slowly start to count, when I got up to 15 I begin counting back to 0. This is an improvised hypno-technique that came to me the moment, there will be a few of them! This one works as it allows me to visualise a 'peak' that I am to counting up to and keeps me looking forward to relaxing again as I count myself back down. Mind games!!!

Thursday 00:00 Our midwife suggests moving back out of the bath to prepare for Alfie's entrance, from now till his birth I use the birthing stool with Fred behind me for support, I found it very comfy! Things were getting stronger, I'm reluctant to use the word painful as that doesn't describe the feeling well - standing on a plug is bloody painful but birth is more like being immersed in a sensation, its not a massively pleasant one but neither is it one that makes you want to thrash around and scream swear words at the top of your lungs. Fred is now required to use ALL of the support tactics he'd been taught. He applies pressure to my lower back, I cannot explain how wonderful this feels! He alternates between using his palms and thumbs depending on what stage the surge is at. Poor Fred, for about four hours all I did was bark single words at him! "Thumbs......Palms.......Water......Gas & Air.......Story" His stories are AWESOME! He goes wildly 'off script' and ends up inventing the best stories about me, Alfie, our dogs and the lovely afternoons we are going to spend together in our own garden, he fills each story with the sound of bird songs, the smell of flowers, bees buzzing around us, the feel of the sun on our skin. They are amazing, so detailed and so distracting which I really need, I'm spending so much time imagining these glorious summer days that've no chance to dwell on the surges.

Over the next few hours the surges really take over and make my body do what needs done, which is good and bad, at least I can't procrastinate! All I really have to do was not get in the way!

I did have one moment of panic when I realised it was too late for epidurals or caesarians and that I had to get this baby all the way out all on my own! But Fred kept me concentrating on the garden and my breathing and that moment passed. The worst time was the last 20 minutes, Hypnobirthing doesn't advocate pushing (though does advocate calmly and with all the facts making whatever decision is best at the time) and I DID end up pushing for those last minutes as Alfie had gotten himself into a slightly uncomfortable position and wasn't all too happy.

Thursday 01:55 Alfie is born! Thanks to hypnobirth I have defied an entire life time's worth of birth related TERROR to have an easy, quick and happy labour. At no point did I experience earth shattering agony or paralysing fear, I didn't ever feel out of control and I was entirely confident throughout. Birth is hard and fairly sore (but then so is the gym?!) but I shudder to think what it would have been like without Fred and our hypno-techniques, the whole thing was so chilled that Alfie didn't even cry when he was born!