Things I knew about parenthood before I got pregnant

Baby hasn't even been born yet and already my lofty parenting ideals are coming crashing down! Here's a few things I knew for sure before I got pregnant that are slowly sinking into the mire of reality.

Baby will be bilingual. A moment of mirth! For this one we even went so far as to buy baby Spanish books (and drag our poor friend half-way round Valencia in search of said books). As time draws near however the reality of introducing a second language to a baby while introducing the entire world to the baby is becoming laughable, particularly as Fred does not speak a second language and I speak two types of Spanish; bad Spanish and drunk Spanish. I did dream of collecting wonderful resources, learning traditional nursery rhymes by rote and implementing daily routines en Espanol, I even have a stunning Pinterest Board to prove it but sadly I fear these notions will remain pixilated. Especially because Fred descends into giggles every time I sing Estrellita (Twinkle Twinkle) and get to the line that goes "en el cielo titilar". Real mature.

We will use cloth nappies. LOL! Joke! The changing unit is literally full of disposable nappies already! I feel really terrible about this (obviously) but having watched a few video tutorials and done a bit of research this method looks so hard! It seems to require the same amount of organisation it takes to invade a mid-sized country and FAR more shit shovelling. I'm trying to make myself feel better about this by insisting "I'll try it next time when I know what I'm doing", but ask me again when I'm managing a toddler and a new born! Also my shit shovelling partner is adamant that he will only engage with the disposable kind. Sigh.

We won't have that problem because [fill in vain, self-important reason here]. Oh wow, the view is wonderful from my high-horse. Judging other parents is my absolute favourite past time at the moment because I know I only have a few weeks left before I'm that parent buying their child sweets just to shut up them up, that parent who has just been slapped in the face by their child, that parent whose clothes aren't ironed and whose shoes don't match. I will most certainly have that problem.

We will stick to a routine. Everyone goes on and on about how much a baby needs a routine, I even drew up charts during my first trimester. Bless! Gradually the fact that I struggle to stick to a three step cleanse-tone-moisturise routine has dawned on me. So yeah, I'll focus on keeping the baby alive according to routine or not!

My child will not wear 'themed' outfits. I have sworn I won't be putting my baby in cartoon clothes, no Frozen shirts, no Sponge Bob pants, and nothing gender defining. Ahem, have you ever tried to buy baby clothes?! Good grief, these are the most binary, mainstream fashion statements available. I'll make an effort but in reality baby will be wearing whatever has the least trace of body fluid on it.

I won't wear 'tents' just because I'm pregnant. Me in Mothercare: "Where is the jersey cotton? SHOW ME THE JERSEY COTTON. I'm looking for something that would fit a...camel? A small boat? A band of thieves?" Yep the tents went on a few days ago, as did the FitFlops. I weep.

Cravings are for people with bad diets, I'll eat really well. "Pardon? I can't hear your notions through all the sponge your chewing, were you saying you had Nutella and cheese for breakfast?"

Raspberry Tea

EDIT: Labour has passed and the tea was tested to it's limits! I can't say if it helped or not as I have no tea-free labour to compare it to, however I CAN say that I had a short, straight forward, natural labour. Was that down to the tea? Probably not but it definitely wouldn't have hurt!  

When you're pregnant you attract all sort of things like acne, a burning chest dragon, fluid (how can my feet/hands/bladder hold this much) but most unfortunate of - all unsolicited advice. Some of it is hilarious; "vaccines cause Autism." Some of it is maddening "you really HAVE to breast feed for at least a year." Only a tiny amount of it is actually useful with an even smaller amount being well intentioned. When my neighbour suggested I start drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea in the last few weeks of pregnancy I'd reached advice fatigue and ignored her! I'd never heard of the benefits of Raspberry Leaf Tea (not to be confused with Raspberry Tea) but she insisted that it made delivering her middle child much easier than of either her first or last child. Finally having eventually researched it I'm totally won over by it's many claimed advantages and raging I didn't start it sooner. In fact, it sounds so good that I'm sure some it is exaggeration...but I am not adverse to a bit of a placebo!

Most evidence is anecdotal and there's virtually no official data, but I found a few bits of evidence.

• According to studies drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea can lead to shorter active labour because it strengthens and tones the muscles of your uterus making you a better pusher! 
• Another study found that among drinkers there was fewer cases of assisted delivery. 
• Yet another study found that drinking it during labour (who has time for that?!) made your uterus contract quicker, limited bleeding and quickened the letting down of breast milk (I'm not sure what letting down means, sorry). 
• Perhaps most convincingly two other mothers I've spoken to have all confirmed its stretchy womb wonders. 

Before you go thinking that Raspberry Leaf Tea is a miracle drug that will will turn your uterus into a steam train WAIT...

• Another 'study' found it to have absolutely no effect. 

Hurray for evidence based contradictory medicine! I'm going to be honest and say that the words "shorter labour" and "less bleeding" are enough to over ride that pessimistic, party pooping last study! Even if it does nothing there's no harm in a cup of tea, especially when it has so many essential maternity nutrients in it for Mom and Baby (calcium, magnesium and iron).

Tip: this tea is reported to be disgusting, I wouldn't know though because I bought Heath and Heather Raspberry Leaf Tea which is mixed with hibiscus and tastes divine!

Further Tip: there's a whole load of advice about when NOT to drink this tea (before 32 weeks, if you're spotting, if you're having a caesarian etc) so probably best to do your own reading and make up your mind!

Hello Summer!

Irish people LOVE a moan, especially about the weather but the start of Summer this year may only be described as a glorious, golden, glowing explosion. This means that we in the Happy House have been getting stuck into the garden and readying it for sale! Holmes and Claude are behaving so well in the Humans' Garden!

I say getting stuck in, there has been lots of cuddles, cheap novels and chilled rose petal tea but oh well! At 8 months pregnant that is absolutely my prerogative!

Claude (B) and Holmes (T) are rarely let into this part of the garden, mostly because it usually ends up like a scene from Crouching Doodle Hidden Shit which does not go down well at a garden party and is a nightmare to remove from picnic blankets but we've been making exceptions for them recently.

"To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow" and normally planting out our veg patch is one of my happiest Summer moments for precisely this reason however this year it's been a rather sobering experience as we don't have very many tomorrows in our lovely first home! We know that we probably won't be here to harvest anything we plant and it hit me harder than I thought it would. In previous years we've had potatoes, broccoli, courgettes, sweet corn, every root you can bury and most readily available leaves but this year we've decided to cut back. We planted just enough rows of salad, carrots and peas to 'bluff' a veg patch and impress upon any potential buyers that the house comes with a low maintenance mini allotment and suddenly my gorgeous garden filled with plants I've practically named and birds I actually have named (Buenos dias Ramirez el Chaffinch y Rodrigo el Robin) has been reduced to a commodity. Maybe its just the hormones but I feel like I'm pimping it out and now whenever I look at those underwhelming rows of salad I can't help but feel a little sad!

But it's hard to be sad for too long with these adorable brutes around!

Nursery Tour

Is this nesting? In my 28 years I have never displayed even the smallest inclination toward either the domestic or the highly organised yet at 8 months pregnant these have both become my highest priority! Maybe it is nesting though I am more inclined to think it has a logical root. I am acutely aware that I will soon be spending a lot of time at home without a clue of what I'm doing, with the grateful receipt of this burden I decided to eliminate another; the need to look for/step over/clean around the majority of the items I use on a daily basis! Removing liquid faeces from a tiny wiggling bum has got to be easier when you can put your hand straight on the necessary weapons of ablution? Baby blues must be at least eased by a clear, calm environment? Life really does actually look like it does on Pinterest? No? None of these assumptions are true? I don't know how parenthood works? Shit. Anyway, on with the 'tour' (*shudder I'm such a Mommy Blogger cliche sorry!*)

First up, the changing unit! This was the first area that Fred and I set up, we wanted everything within easy reach but we didn't want anything to be cluttered. We have; nappies, spare cotton balls, nappy bags, wipes, talcum powder, more cotton wool in a grab jar, his grooming products in a basket and spare muslins for slipping under his booty to avoid skid marks on the mat. This drawer works from left to right in order of the urgency I expect to feel in trying to procure the item. This means that my more dexterous right hand can keep Prawn from shimmying into his own poo while my left can easily grab the most urgently required item from the left side of the drawer. Simples!

In the second drawer we put his baby grows and sleep suits. Are these under clothes? I imagine you put t-shirts and adorable itty bitty trousers on over them but the truth is I'm not sure you do! Anyway we organised these right to left with his First Size on the far right and his 0-3 Month moving left before finishing with two grab jars, one bibs, the other socks etc. The reasoning behind this (yes - completely over thinking) was that holding Prawn was now the less pressing issue since poo as a risk factor had been eliminated thus it could be managed by left hand leaving right hand to grab what's needed. It's just simple ergonomics (and the first signs of mental derailment).

In the last drawer is spare wipes and nappies etc. I bought 187 Size 1 nappies "just in case". Just in case he's an elephant? You may suspect that I have a slight nervous preoccupation with the baby's bowel movements, you would be correct. I've never actually changed a nappy but I have watched enough YouTube videos to know how horrific the experience can be. In my defence they say babies use 10-12 a day in the first while. 187 nappies / 12 nappies a day = 15.5 days worth of nappies. Not excessive. What is excessive is how many times I've said nappies in this post. 

I know you're just dying to know what's in his grooming basket! Here it is! For bath time I thought it would be handy to have everything in a lift out container to take to the bathroom with us but also to leave in his changing unit for top and tailing/emergency spills. In here we have a few nappies and bags, assorted sponges, rash cream, body wash, baby oil, hand sanitiser (because I had some spare and needed to put it somewhere) cotton balls, hair brushes, nail clippers and wash clothes. 

On to his wardrobe which (shockingly) has his clothes, towels and a few items he's not ready to use yet. His clothes are grouped according to size, I'm looking for wardrobe dividers but so far no joy! Beside his wardrobe is his first bed! We bought a Chicco Next2Me so naturally we will move this into his own room when he arrives. Eventually his crib will be here but hopefully we will have moved house long before we have to build the crib! In his Chicco is his swaddling blanket and his Bump to Birthday record which I HIGHLY recommend as a keepsake.

Lastly his pram and nappy bag. We got a Bugaboo Chameleon 3 because so many people recommended them. Bugaboo never reduce the price of their products but we just happened to be passing a Mamas and Papas at opening time on the very day that this one was marked as Shop Soiled and reduced by £300! Win! There was some stiff competition from other Mommies and a slight amount of stalking around the store from a particularly determined pair but we made it to the till unscathed! His nappy bag is just from Mothercare - we went for the cheapest one we could find! Why are they so expensive? £70+ for a hideous satchel??? Get a grip! This one is only marginally less hideous but significantly less expensive at £35. 

And that's all! I expect this level of military organisation will last approximately 18 seconds once he's born!

Maternity Hospital Bag

EDIT: Baby was born and the bag was used! During my short stay in hospital I was so grateful for this bag! Having fresh, full toiletries was a lovely treat, I've honestly never felt cleaner or had a better shower than I did immediately post birth! Likewise the extra PJs for the next morning, it was just what I needed to feel 'normal' again. As for baby having his first outfit and nappy in a clearly labelled bag was SO handy, as it was the midwife who ended up dressing him (hello diamorphine Mommy!) The midwives advised against the witch-hazel 'padsicles' that are all over Pinterest and called them a "bacterias' paradise". Yikes! Glad I didn't track them down now. In short this was EVERYTHING I needed.  

Have a little peak at what I'll be bringing in my maternity bag! I found preparing the hospital bag to be a really relaxing activity, to me labour felt a bit daunting so being super organised ahead of time allowed me to feel calm and much more in control. Before settling on this kit I read dozens of maternity bag checklists on Pinterest, blogs and baby support groups so there's nothing in here that's new or surprising, especially for those who've given birth before. I also like to travel light and figured I'd have enough to do helping a human exit my body than root through a pile of unnecessary crap so I've kept this minimal! As a disclaimer I'll just say that I haven't used a maternity hospital bag before so have no idea if this is in anyway adequate, I will report back when with news from the field!

For me I packed two pairs of labour pyjamas, loose and dark for obvious reasons! I chose shorts and a vest, a knee length nightgown and light robe because I have been reliably informed that the maternity wards are roasting. I also packed some fluffy memory foam slippers for my enormous, throbbing feet! I've also got two extra pairs of navy bottoms for the morning after.

Motherhood is a wonderful time, and when it's not it a messy time! With that in mind here are the necessaries! Maternity pads which I've sprayed with witch hazel ointment (quote from BFF "there are not enough of them IN THE WORLD"), breast pads and two packets of the ugliest pants I've ever seen.

I'm not sure why I've packed make up seeing as I don't really wear it but I thought a little might make me feel human after all that exhaustion and exertion. I've got bronzer and brush, BB cream, mascara and lip colour...fancy! I've also packed a fan for aforementioned tropical ward!

Another humanising kit! Hairbrush, lip balm (all that deep breathing will be chapping no?), shower gel, the strongest deodorant available, toothpaste and mouthwash if brushing sounds too challenging!

Shampoo and conditioner, moisturiser, cleanser, tone and toothbrush There's also shower caps and coconut oil for the nipples (yay can't wait). I don't intend to stay in the hospital long enough to need these things but figured I'd be better off to have them!




Not pictured is my 'visitor' pyjamas for the next day or my going home outfit which I've packed in a separate bag and left in the car, Fred can bring it up when its needed. I'd LOVE to be able to get some cooling Perineal Pads but I can't find them for sale in the UK. If I locate them I'll add them too!

 For baby I packed a mix of baby grows and sleep suits, most lists seemed to recommend 3 of each so that's what I went with. If we're in longer than a day Fred will bring more from home but I think we're covered.




In addition to those outfits he's also got his 'First Outfit'. This is SO plain, a white onesie and baby grow, white hat, white gloves and a nappy. Elegant it is not but I'm sure his first fashion statement can wait! I packed this kit in a little bag all of its own so that when he's finally here clothing him will take zero brain power - who knows how tired we will be. Anything that makes it easier is welcome in the bag!

We've packed him two going home outfits, one for the planned birth and one for the unexpected eventuality of delivering him in the Arctic Circle...because we live in Ireland and our weather may play 'Guess the Climate' even in July!

As for nappies we packed all those in a separate bag. This tote has 24 nappies (because I don't know how much a baby poos) Water Wipes (which I've heard are useless but the midwives judge you if you don't bring them), industrial amounts of cotton wool, muslin clothes (x4), coins to feed the parking meter, snacks for me and Fred, oh and my maternity record which i heard is kinda a big deal!


And that's all! I'm going to chuck in a change of t-shirt for Fred and maybe some shorts in case he wan't to join me in the birthing bath but other than that we are GOOD TO GO!

Cnoc na Gaire

We're moving!!!! Well not right away we're not but we will be soon...hopefully! Our new house represents everything that Fred and I have ever wanted - a marriage, a home and a family! I personally find it very daunting to be standing in the wings of my dreams waiting to step centre stage, all I can think is "Don't screw this up!" 

We've named our home Cnoc na Gaire (pronunciation: Knock nah Goy-ra) which is an Irish phrase meaning "Hill of Laughter". This is a very sentimental name for us! Many moons ago my family were natives not far from where our new house is built, sadly Ireland's political climate has always tended towards the somewhat tropical (cloudy with a chance of shit storms) and it eventually became impossible for them (us?) to stay living in Northern Ireland. The home they left was Cnoc na mBo Castle (Knock nah Moe). The castle has a fascinating story that involves President Eisenhower, the British Army, secret tunnels and scandals in the staff quarters - think Downtown Abbey with thicker accents and less glamour, sadly its history came to an end when it was bombed by the IRA in the 90s. Thanks lads, who needs heritage?! Fred and I agreed that it was only right that when my family began to reclaim the North we recognised that story and made it part of a new happier journey. 

We thought about recycling Cnoc na mBo but "Hill of Cows" (told you there was less glamour) doesn't have quite the ring we were looking for! 

We are all so excited for this new chapter. The boys haven't seen the garden yet but I know they'll love it! There's no doubt it's going to take a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears to help this vacant property live up to its name but it's a challenge we are both ready for!