Baby hasn't even been born yet and already my lofty parenting ideals are coming crashing down! Here's a few things I knew for sure before I got pregnant that are slowly sinking into the mire of reality.
Baby will be bilingual. A moment of mirth! For this one we even went so far as to buy baby Spanish books (and drag our poor friend half-way round Valencia in search of said books). As time draws near however the reality of introducing a second language to a baby while introducing the
entire world to the baby is becoming laughable, particularly as Fred does not speak a second language and I speak two types of Spanish; bad Spanish and drunk Spanish. I did dream of collecting wonderful resources, learning traditional nursery rhymes by rote and implementing daily routines en Espanol, I even have a stunning Pinterest Board to prove it but sadly I fear these notions will remain pixilated. Especially because Fred descends into giggles every time I sing
Estrellita (Twinkle Twinkle) and get to the line that goes "
en el cielo titilar". Real mature.
We will use cloth nappies. LOL! Joke! The changing unit is literally full of disposable nappies already! I feel really terrible about this (
obviously) but having watched a few video tutorials and done a bit of research this method looks so hard! It seems to require the same amount of organisation it takes to invade a mid-sized country and FAR more shit shovelling. I'm trying to make myself feel better about this by insisting "I'll try it next time when I know what I'm doing", but ask me again when I'm managing a toddler and a new born! Also my shit shovelling partner is adamant that he will only engage with the disposable kind. Sigh.
We won't have that problem because [fill in vain, self-important reason here]. Oh wow, the view is wonderful from my high-horse. Judging other parents is my absolute favourite past time at the moment because I know I only have a few weeks left before I'm
that parent buying their child sweets just to shut up them up,
that parent who has just been slapped in the face by their child,
that parent whose clothes aren't ironed and whose shoes don't match. I will most certainly have
that problem.
We will stick to a routine. Everyone goes on and on about how much a baby needs a routine, I even drew up charts during my first trimester. Bless! Gradually the fact that I struggle to stick to a three step cleanse-tone-moisturise routine has dawned on me. So yeah, I'll focus on keeping the baby alive according to routine or not!
My child will not wear 'themed' outfits. I have sworn I won't be putting my baby in cartoon clothes, no Frozen shirts, no Sponge Bob pants, and
nothing gender defining. Ahem, have you ever tried to buy baby clothes?! Good grief, these are the most binary, mainstream fashion statements available. I'll make an effort but in reality baby will be wearing whatever has the least trace of body fluid on it.
I won't wear 'tents' just because I'm pregnant. Me in Mothercare: "Where is the jersey cotton? SHOW ME THE JERSEY COTTON. I'm looking for something that would fit a...camel? A small boat? A band of thieves?" Yep the tents went on a few days ago, as did the FitFlops. I weep.
Cravings are for people with bad diets, I'll eat really well. "Pardon? I can't hear your notions through all the sponge your chewing, were you saying you had Nutella and cheese for breakfast?"
No comments:
Post a Comment