Lesser Spotted Pregnancy Side Effects

Lots of women think pregnancy is a wonderful time and gush over the special bond they feel with their baby and how they love that their body is becoming a cocoon for a new life. Hashtag vomit emoji. I'm not one of those women and I did not experience those feelings. Most of the time, pregnancy is uncomfortable and a bit weird. I also seemed to attract the strangest side effects, not a moment of morning sickness but plenty of other annoying ailments.

Without further ado, in order of appearance, I present to you "The Lesser Spotted Pregnancy Side Effects".

1. Dysgeusia. I really hated this one, it basically causes the most disgusting metallic taste to lurk about your mouth and spoil the taste of everything you eat and drink. It was like having morning mouth all day and no amount of brushing can get rid of it. Thankfully it only lasted a few weeks.

2. Attack of the teeth. My well behaved teeth decided to go rogue in the first trimester, I had three infected wisdom teeth which my dentist refused to treat on account of the pregnancy, instead I was gargling whiskey and praying they wouldn't form an abyss. Thankfully I discovered Anbesol Teething Gel, it is amazing and the only thing that numbed the pain even momentarily. Eventually the infections cleared up but not before many nights spent in a sobbing, rocking puddle of pain.

3. Heart palpitations. No you're not dying it's just your heart getting used to having 50% more blood to circulate. It sure does feel like you need to be panicking though! Don't! Elevate your feet (medical advice) and eat chocolate (life advice).

4. Sciatica. Pretty much present from the second trimester on. Nothing helps. Kim K crying face.

5. Groin pain. Or symphysis pubis dysfunction if you're feeling fancy. This is caused by the muscles that join your legs together loosening and relaxing to create the perfect baby exit. It's quite sore at the best of times and makes rolling over or getting out of the car ACTUAL AGONY. But it feels paralysing is you try to run, as I found out when I chased Holmes for about half a mile at 9 and a half months. Do not run!!! Warm baths and chocolate really this one.

6. Exhaustion. Constant exhaustion. I don't think I've had a full night's sleep since the second trimester. First I need to pee, then sleeping on my side numbs my shoulder and I need to roll over which necessitates reorganising the pregnancy pillow (which I have name The Enemy), then I'm thirsty, then I need a Gaviscon, then I need to pee again. And so we have a vicious cycle. If I do sleep, I snore, loudly. Poor husband isn't sleeping either, but then again, most of this is his fault with his romance and devilish good looks.

7. Carpal Tunnel. My hands have had the strength of a kitten for the last few weeks. And they hurt like hell! Something to do with extra fluid. Lucky me!

8. Cravings. I craved sponge and dust! At times I had to remove myself from the vicinity of the hoover because the smell of dust was so overwhelmingly delicious. As for sponge I limit myself to a few sniffs during the day and a quick chew before bed. I was often to be found in the cleaning aisle or personal hygiene aisle of our local shop just squeezing all the different types of sponge. Even thinking about it now I have a lump in my throat!